𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘!

Well hellllooo friend!

Wooo that was quite a long break there. I am so sorry! Let’s catch up! Sometimes I wish we could be sitting around a big table with a cup of coffee for chats like this so I could really ask you what’s new with you. Sounds silly but as much as you like reading my blogs, I like catching up with friends and hearing what’s been going on in their lives. So anytime, feel free to email me back with how you’re doing ☺️. Since it’s kind of a one way…. er.. email… 🥴 I’ll fill you in on what’s been going on here with me.

Well, my baby graduated boot camp back in August and went on to her next destination where she is training to be a Combat Medic. She is almost done and I cannot wait!! I miss her soo incredibly much.

Right after I got back from her graduation I had dental surgery which was a crazy experience. I posted a video all about my dental journey which you can view here.

Once I was recovered I started another new job. Yup, I know, kind of crazy but I did. I was writing articles which was really hard and I honestly didn’t like it as much as I had hoped. And that is okay! It was a great experience and something I can continue to work on from time to time if I choose to. I just realized It was not my passion for an every day job. However, it felt awesome to step way out of comfort zone, learn something new and actually do it. Anyway, a good friend of mine said he could use some help with bookkeeping and office type work so I took it. It’s actually been pretty awesome. We are great friends, he’s an awesome boss, and we seem to work really well together. I like it a lot. I am still kind of in the learning phase, but I’m getting the hang of it.

We’ve also gotten back into school routine mode which has been great too. I love routine and structure 👏🏻

Some even more exciting news… I started a new relationship with an amazing guy 🥰. I’ve shared a little here and there on my social media and will continue to share from time to time there as well. I also plan to write a blog post or two on the dating life at some point too, so stay tuned 😉

As far as my faith based writing… Ughhh well I’ll be honest. In July when I was writing my last couple posts, God began working some big things out of me through my writing, my Bible studies, and my time with him. I reached a pivotal point where everything in my life hit me like a ton a bricks. A light bulb moment if you will. A lot of big things made sense, but it was really hard to look at and feel too. I sort of knew what my heart wanted to say, but I couldn’t form the words to write.

This was a tough subject for me…. Really old wounds. It seemed as though a million years have passed and a million things have covered up those old scars, yet in reading just one sentence of a book, the flood gates were opened full force. It was a lot. With life busily happening around me, the emotions and words my heart needed to write were pushed to the side. I can’t say I was sorry about avoiding it.

But God has a funny way of forcing you to deal with things. He will continue to put road blocks or situations in your way until you finally stop and just deal with them. At least that’s what he seems to do with me.

Not once, but twice in the past few months I’ve had to deal with the very essence and core of something that has been a main component in helping shape who I am today.

It’s something I know God wants to heal. But the thought of opening that door… well, it hurts. It’s scary. I’m in a new relationship, I don’t want him to see what I’m hiding, how ugly my past is, how jaded and a mess this has made me. I don’t want anyone to see it really.

But, my heart wants Jesus more than anything or anyone. My heart desires to be free of this pain I’ve carried far too long. I know that no one or anything in this world will be able to fully take away and heal these deep dark parts of me either. It’s only Him. So, after a few months of rest and avoidance, onward I go in my journey with the Lord. Picking up where we left off.

I don’t want to be a coward. I don’t want to live life and pretend I’m ok when I’m not. I want to be a woman who, although may have seen ugly and darkness and once lived in pain and brokenness, I want to be a woman who the Lord has helped overcome all of it. A daughter who He has healed completely.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to try and put into words the depths of my heart and how these past traumas have impacted me.

Thanks for being here, friend. I hope my journey gives you hope. That you feel not so alone in this world. Our journeys may be different, but sometimes it’s that very depth of pain that is what binds us together, chasing hope of something more. Something whole.